YAS Podcast: Valerie Hager Episode #6 Transcript
A true hero, Valerie Hager was the creator, writer, producer and only actor in a 13 character play called “Naked in Alaska”. Even though she is no longer a stripper, it’s still in her bones. To this day, when she sees others abusing strippers rights or carelessly appropriating our culture, her blood gets hot. With chops of stripping in Tijuana and Alaska, it doesn’t get more badass than that.
*This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors.* Begin transcript.
AMD: Hey there, welcome to another episode of Yes, a Stripper Podcast. I’m your host, AM Davies. And we have an excellent guest today. Her name is Valerie Hager. But before we get to her, I want to talk to you about, you know, my thoughts for this particular episode. And, uh, something that I think about a lot when it comes to stripping and being a stripper are all the misconceptions that we deal with. And I think one of my favorite things to do in public settings and social settings now is to sort of dispel those misconceptions. I think my favorite ones are, um, that we’re supporting our drug habit, uh, that we’re supporting our child or that we’re putting, we’re working to put ourselves through school as if we, Should only be stripping in order to create that income to do any one of those three things when in actuality, there are plenty of us that do this for an actual career because we absolutely love what we’re doing.
Some people do it for two years. Some people do it for 26 years. So, you know, it is a complete misconception that we’re just literally doing this to buy our next bag of speed. Um, I, I’m here to tell you the majority of dancers that I’ve ever worked with are not dancing to support their drug habit. And yes, strippers have a lot of kids because strippers are women and women have children. And yes, strippers some of us go to school and some of us don’t. So, uh, just like normal people, some people go to school and have a side job to pay for it and some don’t. So, it’s um, you know, but I’m, I’m here to tell you I don’t have any of those three things. I hated school, I really don’t want to have kids, and I started doing drugs before I became a stripper. So, and after, to be quite honest. So my drug habit had nothing to do with being a stripper. So, um, we’re gonna talk about some other misconceptions today with our beautiful, beautiful guest, Valerie Hager. I’m saying your last name correctly, right? Thank you.
VH: Yeah.
AMD: Thank you. Yeah, so, you know, I watched your Play on video. I really wish I would have seen it in person. I heard rave reviews Naked in Alaska you guys and it’s not running anymore, correct?
VH: It’s on hiatus right now.
AMD: Okay Yeah, do you have plans of bringing it back?
VH: I have, you know, the thing of it is, is, um, in the past couple of years, there’s been a, the past, so, so, Bootleg in 2017, November, October, November was the last performance. And, since then, there’s been a lot of life stuff and a lot of changes and, um, something’s really hard and something’s really great. Yeah. And so, that play itself is kind of a beast to put up and
AMD: Totally, I could see that. So can you tell our audience about that play and what, you know, what it is, what it’s about? And for those people who don’t know,
VH: yes, it’s videoing.
AMD: Yeah. You can look or not like you can look at me or look at that.
VH: Yeah. So. Naked in Alaska is, um, it’s a one woman play that I wrote with the help of my husband and a writing mentor. Um, and I wrote it about my experience. It’s really, in a nutshell, it’s about my experience dancing, um, for, you know, over a decade. And it also really talks to, um, who I was, before I started dancing at, you know, I was a, I was a kid full of self hate and, you know, just trying to run from everything that hurt and so I was riddled with, you know, eating disorders and self harm and, um, and that’s how the show opens and then it blasts us, you know, a few years ahead where I’m clean from meth and, um, on this very day that it blasts us into, I, uh, You know, I get dumped by my boyfriend, I, uh, you know, get served $3,500 in civil assessment charges, lose my job, everything goes to shit, and I storm into the house of my best friend at the time in the play I call her Raven.
And she gives me the perfect solution, which is like, come with me to Tijuana and let’s make some fucking money. And then that was supposed to be one night and then that turned into, you know, the next, you know, however, 10, 11 years. And in the play, it really focuses on my time in Alaska, hence Naked in Alaska. And really what it talks to is not only the implosion of my friendship that, um, with my best friend at that time, but how that ultimately, I, I had to, inside of these clubs, end up facing what every, everything I was running from, which was all of everything inside out. I was someone who was like looking on the outside for this or that or this to give me the sense of desire and love and tribal acceptance that I needed, but I was refusing to actually do those things for myself.
And at the end, at the heart of it, Naked in Alaska really looks at, um, how basically what I believe. Well, I know what I was after, what I think we’re all after, is something that can only be satiated from the inside out. You know? And that’s ultimately what happens in the show, is that, um, That, that, that my dark night of soul, that’s what it is, that I realize, that’s what I have to do, and it sounds easy, but it’s fucking hard, as we all know. It’s really hard.
AMD: Right. Um, so all of, everything in the play is, is real. It’s true.
VHL Hundred percent.
AMD: Actually happened.
VH: Yes.
AMD: Yeah, and something that I found interesting, and it’s like what I just said in my opening thought, was that you were, Um, using meth before you were a stripper and it’s like the misconception is that we start stripping and then we start doing drugs. It sounds like stripping almost helped you stay away. Is that, is that, was there any like correlation there between like drug use and stripping for you? Like, did it help you kind of stay away from that or what, how was that for you if you don’t mind?
VH: Yeah, no, I don’t mind at all. definitely. I’ve. started using methods. I don’t maybe I was like 14 or something like that, you know, and I stopped at 18 and then I started stripping at 20 something around okay, and my best friend at the time was sober clean and sober too. Yeah, and so yeah, we Uh, rocketed into that, you know, um, Clean as a Whip, you know?
AMD: Wow. Amazing.
VH: And I think that it was, you know, also, I found a sense of family in those clubs. I found a sisterhood. I found, I actually found, like, an incredible amount of, you know, confidence and empowerment and grit. And then there is a bunch of other stuff that came later too. You know what I mean? But in those early years, in those early years, it really was the foundation that I was looking for the structure that I needed actually.
AMD: Structure, stability, um, comfort, um, normalcy, you know, you go in and you see the same people and you’re doing the same thing. Yeah, I definitely think about that, um, with like my early stripping days as well in the nude clubs, you know, you check in with the DJ and you, you know, you pick your spot that you get dressed in every time and the dressing room and yeah, there’s like a very specific smell inside The dressing room, right? It feels like you’re at home. Yeah, that’s really interesting. Um, what was it like dancing in Tijuana? I can’t even imagine.
VH: It was just exhilarating. It was exhilarating and I remember that we were, we drove Avenida Revolucion or something like that I think was the street and my friend at the time, let’s call her Raven, she, um, drove up this circular parking garage and I didn’t know when it was gonna end like when we were gonna ever get to the top and at the top of it was where this club existed And but it was like you couldn’t get in unless like they had they looked they looked from the inside out and then later that night she tells me that that somebody had been shot in there like some Mexican mafia and I was so stoked. I was like so young and like looking for any risk and adventure because obviously I’d already had that from being a meth addict so I was hungry for however I could get that but you know here I am clean and sober.
AMD: Adrenaline rush.
VH: Yeah, adrenaline rush. So I’m like, oh my god. So that made it like even more exciting. But I remember. Most of all was, um, how I saw these women, and I felt at the time they were older than me. They looked older than me. Even if they weren’t older than me, they looked like full fledged women. Yes. And I was still half girl, half woman. And I remember this was the first time I’d ever seen like a real one. And I, and I remember her name too. Her name was Nikki. And I just remember thinking how, how impossible it will be for me to get to be a Nikki. Yeah. But I knew that maybe there was a glimpse of hope.
AMD: Yeah. You just triggered a memory of, for myself. And I, I kept these journals as a teenager when I was discovering what it’s like to be a woman and I would draw women’s bodies and write poetry about women’s bodies and how beautiful they are. And I would draw women’s feet in the, in the shoes and, um, and I would just like, I was in awe of any woman that was presenting herself in a glamorous way. And, um, cause I stumbled upon my grandfather’s Playboy magazines when I was 13 or 14 and I was just like when I found this I was like turning the pages so slowly one by one like with my eyes wide open and I was like what is this magic I’m seeing? So it sort of sounds like you went through that same thing when you were looking at them up on the stage. It’s almost like in awe of them, but also knowing that you have the same power that they do.
VH: Yeah, I felt like maybe I, I knew that there was, it was, it was maybe like I knew that maybe it was in me, but I didn’t really know how to access it at that point. But I do remember that when I stepped on, it was actually a little, it had to, we would walk on little stairs and then it was a circular stage. Yeah. And I walked on the little stairs and you would think that I would have been, you know, terrified or whatever. But I swear to God, I stood up on that stage and I was like, I’m going to make every motherfucker in here love me. And that’s all it was. Yeah. And my eyes lit up and I had already been performing because my dad is a you know, mime artist and movement artist.
AMD: Your dad’s a mime?
VH: My dad is a real mime. Oh. Yeah, like, legit.
AMD: I don’t think I’ve ever met a real mime IRL before.
VH: Real mime, like, made, has a house and made his, you know,
AMD: Not a glass house?
VH: Not a glass house, not a studio. Street performer, not a busker, like made his life out of miming. And so I already, and I had, I’d watched my dad as, as a young girl performing this work, you know, in front of people on, you know, by himself and moving crowds. And I, and I knew that that’s what I wanted to do. And I had already been acting. Yeah. And so for me, it was an extension of that. It was an expression of myself. And I already had had this kind of body connection. And so for me, I didn’t know, obviously, that day how to do tricks or even spin on a pole. But I knew how to open my eyes.
You know? I knew how to take somebody in.
AMD: So was that when you would perform, was eye contact really important to you? Because it really varies from person to person. Was that something you felt comfortable with?
VH: I felt so comfortable with it because, um, until I couldn’t do it anymore, and that’s another thing, but that was the way in which I communicated on stage, um, for most of my time dancing. Um, because I’m, I was always really after this soulful connection. I was always after something else, even if that something else was kind of like covered in, in beast and mess and muck.
AMD: So that actually brings me to the point. One of the things that really moved me while watching your play is, um, the compassion that you, the compassionate experiences that you had with some of your regulars or just random customers. Um, and it’s something that, um, I think a lot of people don’t realize, like, how much of our work and time as strippers and sex workers is spent comforting others that are either going through a hard time or feel like an outcast if they reveal their true identity or true desires. And we spend so much time talking and listening to and comforting and holding them. Sometimes they just want to be held. And that happened in your play with one particular customer where he literally wanted you to hold him and he cried. And then the other one that really moved me was the one that you call Bernie, I think
VH: The burned man.
AMD: Yeah, because he lost everything. He lost his house, he lost his wife. And it’s probably really hard for him to find connection. Yeah. And all he wanted. During your lap dances with you is to really feel connected with another person and with a woman, specifically because he’s missing being next to a woman. Can you talk about those two experiences specifically and what those were like for you? And like, and also, about the misconceptions surrounding, like, what we do as far as with our clients.
VH: Yeah, absolutely. So, and just giving it also a little more context, so in the play, I play 12 different characters. I play the women that I danced with, the men that I danced for. Um, I play, you know, the guy that I was in the relationship with. I play myself. And him in scenes, I go back and forth.
AMD: One woman show.
VH: Yeah, one woman show. So get that. And um, It’s like, Right?
AMD: Um, It’s absolutely, first of all, I just want to interrupt you. Your work is absolutely stunning and incredible. Like the amount of talent and skill that goes into what you did was just mind blowing. So, and I’m sure you’ve heard that time and time again. So, um, yeah, if you ever get a chance to see this play, it’s literally like I did feel like there were all those different characters on stage, even though it was you playing them.
VH: And so, you know, one of one of the ways and in excavating this time period was really pulling out those experiences that I mean, literally, and I was as I was driving here today, I felt I thought to myself, I feel like just yesterday it was like just yesterday with some of these experiences because they are so ingrained in my heart and it’s almost like they’re just like they’re never gonna leave and they’re just there and i’m just okay with it and it’s just the way that it is and burned man It’s one of them. And so, there was this guy, his name was Rob, um, but we called him Burned Man, and half of his body was burned, and his face, as I say in the play, looked like it was melted to one side. Mm hmm. And he was, uh, The other side of his face was incredibly handsome and he was like seven feet tall and he would come stumbling into the club drunk. It was a nude club. We didn’t have alcohol, so he came with, you know, little bottles in his pockets. And you know what I mean? And he would, um, sit there, and he would call me Spring even though my name was Autumn. And he would continue to tell me the same story over again. And the story was that he fell asleep with a cigarette in his mouth, and that cigarette dropped and basically slowly burned his entire house down. Um, I don’t know if it was a smoke inhalation or, or what it was, but ultimately his wife died in the fire and he, uh, barely survived. And He was riddled with guilt and grief. And he, uh, it was as if in that moment his life stopped. Yeah. And he came every night and he would sit onto this couch and his arms would expand just huge, like almost the whole sides of the couch they would take over.
And all he wanted to do was just tell this story over again and have someone hear it. Maybe if he told it this time.
AMD: It would turn out different maybe?
VH: It would turn out different. Yeah. And he would close his eyes and he would smell me and he would smell whoever it was that was dancing for him. And it was like, in that moment, it was like, he’s not a customer and I’m not a dancer. And we’re just these two human beings that are looking for some kind of reprieve and some kind of like moment where we can just be without. All of the fucking shit that’s on our backs and surrounds us that keeps us from fucking being free. Right? Yeah. And one time, in fact, burned man…Um, I was in the kitchen.
Anyway, we lived at the club in Alaska, so we lived downstairs. And then we went upstairs. You know, my, my friend and I went upstairs after work, and, uh, It’s confusing, but there was a kitchen in the back and we were making tofu burritos and blah, blah, blah. And Shannon tells me to go get a knife in the bar and the lights are off and I’m searching for the light and I turn it on and I scream because Burn Man is on the couch! And the It’s not, it’s closed already. It’s like, it’s not his time to be there. And I’m like, ahhh! And I call out, you know, Raven! And she comes in with a fucking, like, the other knife that she was cutting the onions with. And she’s like, what the fuck? Anyway, he had fallen asleep in the, uh, men’s stall, corner, in the corner of the men’s stall.
He told us later, and he wasn’t, the security guard didn’t find him. And it was almost like, he felt like he was home. And we carried him to his truck and it was super snowing and, sorry, it was super, super snowy and freezing and we carried him to his truck and we had somebody come and drive him home. And it was just like, yeah man, I don’t know. I don’t know whatever happened to that guy. Yeah. You know?
AMD: Yeah. I know a lot of people like that. I look back on fondly and I’m like, what happened to Uncle Lou? You know? And so like, yeah, there were some customers that over time we would like consider them an older uncle or. You know, a long lost cousin, older cousin, or like, they become like your family, or these people that you really care about, like you’re, you’re like, you’re distant family, you know, um. And so I, I knew a guy named Uncle Lou, he’s much older and he would fly us to Vegas and give us free hotel rooms because he gambled all the time. And all he wanted to do is have buffet dinners with us. And then we would just do our own thing and the whole rest of the day and the whole rest of the night because he would gamble and he just wanted to have buffet meals with us. So he wasn’t alone. And then, and that was it. There was nothing ever weird. We never stayed in the room with him. And not, not that, you know, Any other type of sex work would have been weird, but it wasn’t that way. It was the, the sex work we did with him was just to spend time with him and just be near him. And I think that’s where people get confused. Like sex work isn’t all about actually having sex, right?
It’s about being with the other sex and providing comfort and companionship. Um, I spent about 80 percent of my career. talking with and just being with people. Um, and then obviously lap dancing. And then there’s something else that happened in your play where you, you basically called one of the dancers, dirty dancers, or, and then, so that’s. When we talk about dirty dancers, which is something that I particularly, you know, I become more woke to over time. I used to use that term a lot as well. Those were during my whorephobic days, but then I myself would, was starting to evolve and starting to feel more comfortable doing extras with certain people. And I noticed that you had like a similar situation where you’re like, oh, she’s dirty . And then the next thing you know, you’re shoving your nipple in someone’s mouth. Yeah. And you’re like, oh, what’s that say about me. And I’ve done that plenty of times, shoved my nipple in peoples’ mouths. Because I liked it, I wanted to do it.
VH: And a part of that is, uh, and a part of the reason that that is in the show is for that very reason, which is, uh, So, the show Naked in Alaska is not to say this is bad, this is good, this is the way, this isn’t the way. It’s to bring the things in which I kept hidden and put them into the light for everybody to see. Right. And so at the time, it’s the consciousness of myself at the time when I was working in these clubs. And. I was acting as if I was up here. I was at this higher place. And these people were down here. And then what happens is that paradigm switches switches in an instant. Yeah. And then there I am. And then what does that mean? And that’s just even like, That’s just like a micro of, of how that shit happens all the time. You know what I mean? And, so, yeah, that’s exactly what it is. It’s like wanting you to see that, that, that this is how I judged her and then wanting you to see this is exactly how I did exactly what she did to him.
AMD: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And that there’s no shame in either one. So like when I look back and think about how I spoke of other dancers, and that I’ve grown and developed over time, there’s I don’t like to shame my older self. That was just education. That was about overcoming ignorance. Um, and, and looking back on my behavior with certain customers, there’s no shame in that either. And we spend so much time, especially as women, um, being told that. If you have too much sex or spread whatever around that you’re a whore and then that’s bad, um, and that you’re lesser than, um, whereas when men do it, it’s like celebrated and, oh, he’s a stud, you know, um, and so I think it’s really important for people to, to understand that, like, just because we’re women, we can do whatever we choose with our bodies and why be, why even be judged for that? Why? Yeah. And then as women, why judge other women for what they choose to do? You know, um, a lot of people have asked me in the past too, like, Oh, did you like do X, Y, and Z with customers? Or did you ever like get off? And I’m like, yeah, yes. Because they’re people, and I’m a person, and I’m pretending like I’m sexually turned on, and eventually I’m going to start to believe it, or maybe I will be turned on, you know.
VH: Yeah, it’s that there’s, you know, everything is gray, it’s, it’s often not, uh, very rarely is it a black and white, sometimes it is, but most of the time it’s gray. And, you know, Naked in Alaska takes place, by the way, before Um, pole dancing was a trend before Me Too movement, before there was even, um, this, the, as in the kind of like mainstream culture, like this kind of talk about what it means to be a sex worker or, um, you know, a lot of things are being brought to the forefront, which is amazing. But this show talks about a time. Before all of that, you know, and also, um, when there wasn’t really the consciousness where we are, you know, supporting each other or, you know, wanting to raise awareness, it was more of this time of like fighting for your place and figuring it out, you know, being thrown into the wolf den and like, you know, uh, it kind of being as, as we know now, like stripped of most of your money.
And, you know, um, not really having any, uh, support or safety, um, and finding a way to rise above that anyway. You know?
AMD: So it’s interesting, and I’m glad that you brought up that this play came out before pole dancing was like this huge thing because we were just talking earlier about what’s happening with pole dancing being in this new light via celebrities, via movies, music videos. Glamorizing pole dancing, but leaving out the conversation about the people who were pole dancing before pole dancers.
VH: And, you know, it’s just like sometimes it’s the small things, and I, as I was saying to you earlier, I haven’t, I haven’t, um, worked in the clubs for a while, you know, but it’s still- Pole dancing and expressing myself through that with the grit that I carry from that time is still in my life, right, you know
AMD: So you still feel connected to it, even though you’re not necessarily doing it anymore.
VH: A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I mean, uh, it’s, it’s just one of those things. It’s like, it’s just a part of the blood that pumps through me. It just is, you know, and that’s, and, and not to mention that, that not just Naked in Alaska, but I’ve written five other pieces and they talk about my time as an exotic dancer, as an escort, they talk about this. And so it’s, it, it is in my work, it’s in the way that I move, it’s in the way that I work with women, you know, um, but yeah, it, it, it was, uh, Yeah, it was a time before, the time before.
AMD: So, how do you, what are your thoughts? I’d really like to have a conversation with you about what’s happening currently, like pole dancing being in the movie Hustlers, pole dancing being at the Super Bowl, pole dancing being in countless music videos, I mean, Usher and Bruno Mars and Tyga and uh, you know. Yeah. Colli. I, I’m so bad with what the kids are listening to. . I’m bad. I’m sorry. I’m gonna, I’m trying to list rappers names. I’m so sorry. Um, I like the old school rapper, like Tupac. Same biggie, Outcast. Um, okay. But yeah. What are your thoughts on, on what’s currently taking place? I know
VH: I think I remember that even before this, those people, um, there was, uh, pole dance, uh, what I guess what you would say like a, a, um, a pole, I would say a pole dance star. Okay. Um, and she was on a talk show. Okay. And she, and this is years ago, so her opinions may have changed hopefully, um, and she on the talk show said, I am not a stripper. I am a pole dancer and she made this huge distinction between what a stripper is and what a pole dancer is and that she is definitely not that one. And it was as if being a stripper or someone who works in sex or is a sex worker is somehow less than a pole dancer. And I responded to, and then it went on to YouTube and I responded to it. And I just remember feeling like fuckin fiery flames coming up in me because I felt like every single move that I see out there I saw from the girls that I worked with in Tijuana, in Alaska, in Arizona, in Hawaii, in Vegas, in Los Angeles back in 1997.
And if I saw that, then I know that they had probably seen some, you know, somebody doing that before them, you know what I mean? And then all of a sudden, it was like, there are these poll stars that are wonderful athletes, but they’re claiming as if they created these things, right? And this way of moving and I’m sure that there are some that are have-
AMD: Yeah, they’re not claiming that they made the moves, the claims, the ones that claim that they’re not a stripper and really draw that hard line in the sand, they’re claiming that pole dancing began in the 12th and 15th century with Chinese men in China and Indian men in India and they’re all dead now, um, and we owe pole dancing to them.
VH: Yes. I read about that in the Fistful of Steel.
AMD: Oh, thanks. Yes. It’s the movie that I’m making and I’m working really hard on making that’s taking forever to make.
VH: Yes, I know. But I think the other thing is that separation, however, you know, however, I heard, uh, her speak about it, she was making a clear distinction that one was better and one was less. Yeah, one was more and one was less. Right. And I felt like the other thing that’s happening that we talked about is that you have, you know, Jennifer Lopez doing this stuff at Super Bowl and you have her, you know, shining in this light and as we were talking about, she’s not actually talking about any of the real stuff that’s happening.
AMD: Yeah. And the real stuff that’s happening is poll dancer, regardless of sex worker or stripper, pole dancers, 2019 were blocked, deleted, banned, shadow banned, um, denied, uh, any type of, uh positioned on the exploration page denied advertisements losing business losing engagement Freaking out losing their minds pole dancers all over the world summer 2019 that was not that long ago.
It’s February 2020 right now and and then not to happen not to mention what’s happening to sex workers on a regular basis wherever since then signing of FOSTA and SESTA, sex workers and strippers are constantly being fucked with, deleted, being like shit on by plenty of trolls, and also sometimes being shit on by the pole dance community in some ways, um, and Um, and there are a lot of uh, violations at work, labor law violations, constant abuses at work, um, death rate gone up since the signing of FOSTA SESTA. And you know, that’s not being talked about. So you’re taking this pole dance activity and you’re glamorizing it on these massive worldwide stages and you’re not using your voice to talk about the issue. That’s like buying, uh, uh, sponges made of walnuts. Those are the types of sponges I make, I buy. So recyclable. It’s like buying those and just because you think they’re cute. Yeah, because my sponges are all white and they’re made of walnuts and they’re really cute sponges I don’t buy the sponge because it’s cute. I buy it because it’s good for the planet So are you gonna do pole dancing because it’s cute? Or are you gonna do it because you want to create a message to empower more women that are constantly being exploited and fucked with?
VH: Right, exactly, exactly
AMD: And all I want is for them to stand up and say something. It’s just use their very, very loud, powerful voice. That’s all I’m asking.
VH: And it could make a huge difference. I mean, it could bring so, I mean, just, just like a paragraph of speaking. You know, just like a paragraph in an article, interview
AMD: Or an Instagram or an Instagram post.
VH: I mean, it takes the smallest of things mean everything. The smallest of things mean everything. Yeah, it could change. It could change the consciousness and the awareness that’s being brought. That’s not being brought right now, right? You know, so I mean, I think that, you know, in my own way, um, so with Naked in Alaska and the other work that I’ve created, it’s not looking at that, but what it is looking at is how there is there, there, how, we are human beings, how we are human beings and, and, and the customers are human beings and the dancers are human beings. And you know what? Bad shit happens and bad shit happens everywhere.
AMD: Yeah. In every profession. In every industry.
VH: And so what this, what I look at in the work is it happens to have taken place inside of these walls. Yeah. Maybe as a result of that, there were, they were, they were highlighted a bit more, it was a bit more extreme, right because of the nature of what takes place inside of there. But also in that extremeness is the extreme compassion, extreme empathy. Extreme of my heart being ripped open both in dark and light and learning how to stand inside of that. You know, learning how to stand inside of that so that I can be who I am today and had I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done it all over again. Instant. In an instant.
AMD: Yeah. I danced for almost 18 years and it was like the best. thing I ever did for my life. Yes. Yeah. So tell us what you’re doing now.
VH: Okay. So what I’m doing now, what I’ve been doing in the last couple of years is working with women, helping them to tell their, helping them to tell their, um, wholehearted story from the inside out and bring it to the stage. And I’ve also been, um, creating workshops for women, um, and those workshops have to do with, um, really stepping into our bodies fearlessly. And, you know, we were talking about a minute ago, um, and we’re talking about, um, those customers in the club and how, um, people sometimes don’t, um, think that that’s a part of dancing. What the word I wanted to use is intimacy. And that’s a huge, huge thing that, um, was a thread throughout my experience dancing. And that sense of intimacy and grit is what I. Bring into my workshops with women, because I feel like there is still, still this, uh, kind of tension and separation with one another and against this. And at the end of the day, I think it’s a fear of intimacy and vulnerability and really letting down what I call our devil fences that we hold up to each other that we don’t need to have, because actually that’s what takes our power. That’s what the, that’s what actually um, strips us of what, what our power really has the potential of, of being.
And so I’m trying to develop these workshops for women where, and these ways of working one on one where we can start to see that when one of us shines, all of us shine. And when one of us is being sensual and is standing in her body, that can encourage the other one to be sensual and stand in her body and how about we just all come together and start doing that more and more. For ourselves for each other.
AMD: I love that
VH: And how that can then transcend out when we’re walking on the street. Yeah, you know And how we go about our day.
AMD: Yeah, that’s beautiful. It’s a beautiful vision Yeah, and that’s how you live your life.
VH: That’s how I live my life.
AMD: Yeah, and so you help other people with their plays as well You were yeah produced Dear Woman with Megan Rippey.
VH: One of the, that’s, she’s, she’s wonderful. Dear Woman is great. It’s a wonderful show. And it’s her experience of, um, exotic dancing, looking through it through the lens of kind of like a dark fairy tale. I work with, I work with women who, who have, um, a theatrical piece or a story that they want to bring to the stage. And I co develop those pieces with them and I help them, um, get fully into their bodies and understand how to do transitions and character work and vocal projection and, and bringing basically what I call the beast forward inside of themselves. Um, to wake up everybody in the room with what their, with, with their story and connect it in universally. So um, so it’s something that transcends, um, and that’s something, yeah, it’s really important. So working on one woman shows, doing workshops for women and creating, continuing to create my own work. You know.
AMD: You sound busy.
VH: I know.
AMD: Who isn’t?
VH: Um. Hello. I know.
ADM: I know so many busy people. It’s crazy. That’s amazing. Thank you so much for sharing all of that with us and for sharing like your vulnerable pieces and if, if, and there’s no way anyone can really watch your play right now. Am I right?
VH: I mean, I can send a link, um, I can send a Vimeo link, um, you know, I actually have been, um, asked, uh, last year and this year, uh, to do the show and it’s been, like, have it produced. And I don’t know, but my body has been asking me if I could just, like, um, Give it a break because I performed it 65 times around the world
AMD: And it’s like an half long, right? Yeah, it’s basically a feature.
VH: It’s a yeah.
AMD: Yeah, and you’re the only the only person in it
VH: I’m pole dancing 65 times 65 times in different, you know Countries and some of them they didn’t speak English and it was still transcended Oh, you know the message was still transcended because it’s a physical piece. I miss the show, I want to do it again, but I have to figure out what is this kind of, you know. Yeah. If an opportunity came that was like, girl, okay, you can’t refuse this. Yeah. I would definitely do it, but right now I think I’ve really been tending to these other things.
AMD: Okay. I hear you. I hear you. Yeah, 65 times is a lot.
VH: I know.
AMD: What’s your stripper tip?
VH: Okay, so for me, I, I think about that question and I think, what would I have told myself, my younger self? Knowing what I know now. And I think, oh, God. I think it’s really deep for me because um, as, as, as much empowerment and joy and effervescence and life and grit and soul that I found through working in those clubs, I also came to a point when I was working in those clubs where I stopped taking care of myself. Where I started to leave my body, where I started to not remember how I got home and I was clean and sober during those times, where I started to fall back into, um, self destructive things like, um, self harm. And I think that I started to lose who I was and I started to get confused and I think that if I was to look back there and I was looking, hovering over myself, I would say to her, take a step back.
What do you need to do to really take care of Valerie and get her emotionally, mentally and physically back on track before you go back into those rooms? Because it, in a sense, it wasn’t the room’s fault. It was the place I let myself go because I had stopped taking care of myself, that the rooms affected me differently. And so whatever that may be for me, in hindsight, that would have been, um, that would have been really, uh, been doing a lot of deep work and some people don’t like what I’m about to say, but that would have been, I’ve been working with a somatic therapist for two years. Okay. And a somatic therapist is not like a, um, a talk therapist where they sit there and go like with their notepad. It’s where you lay on a table. And a, and the person is trained in actually tapping into parts of your body where trauma or um, or, or shit that’s not resolved is locked and stored. And it’s a way of actually tapping into the body so that that part of the body that’s been blocked and stored can speak.
AMD: Nice. Can you say exactly what type of therapy that is again?
VH: Yeah, it’s called somatic therapy.
AMD: Somatic therapy.
VH: Somatic, somatic therapy. Nice. Um, and it’s, it’s saved my life in the past couple of years through stuff that’s been coming up. And, and that’s something that I wish I would have known about then because, um, I, unbeknownst to me at that time, was holding a lot of, um, I would say trauma, stories, blocked energy, other people’s stories, other people’s trauma. Because it’s like when we’re dancing, um, a trained intuitive once told me, don’t touch the customers with your fingertips. Because our fingertips is where we hold the most energy, good and bad, so dance with your fists closed.
AMD: Oh no.
VH: Yes.
AMD: I’m not going to do that.
VH: Don’t do that. But I, but the, the, the, don’t do that. But the, the, what that is was, I didn’t do that either, but what it gave me was a conscious awareness around the, how much energy I take in that gets locked in my body. And then I get confused on whose it is. Whoa. Okay. Yeah. And then when I learned that there was this somatic practice and I laid on this table woman starts pushing into these parts where that’s, stored. Yeah. And then it’s released and then I start to feel freer and more balanced. So, you know, somatic therapy, I would say writing in journals, finding creative outlets, um, a lot of whatever your own self care is, um, and trusting your body. If you need a break, if you, if you need a night off, being in tune.
AMD: Yes, definitely. Giving yourself the night off just because
VH: Giving yourself the night off just because and staying awake, staying awake, don’t go to sleep, stay awake, right? And your body stay, your body stay awake because it actually, for me, if I look back, my body was trying to tell me all kinds of stuff and my mind was like, no, no, no, you got to make money. And my, my body was like, Hey, you know what? No, I just need to actually lay in bed tonight. Yeah.
AMD: Yeah. Wow. That was amazing. Thank you. Okay. Somatic therapy