YAS Podcast: Megan Rippey Episode #5 Transcript
On this episode, we talk with Megan Rippy, aka, Reagan aka “Janky Glamour”, a long time stripper who danced in clubs where they didn’t use the word stripper a lot due to the fact they didn’t get topless. But over time, Reagan comes to term with the word and has dismantled the whorephobia that so many of us have dealt with. It’s not uncommon to not want to use the word stripper to describe oneself, particularly in the recent past. Generally speaking, in about the last 8 years, strippers have embraced the title, and Reagan has too.
*This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors.* Begin transcript.
AMD Open: Working in a strip club can be a fantastic life, but it can also be a very demanding life mentally and emotionally. And there’s a lot of talk about strippers having a shelf life with what they do. While I agree with that to some degree, I. also disagree with that. I think that there’s this idea that you have to maintain youth or be youthful in order to be a stripper.
I don’t, that’s not necessarily true. Uh, I think the main reason why strippers age out or transition out is because a, it’s very physically demanding on our bodies and B, we just want to see what else we’re capable of, just like anybody in any profession that does anything. After a while, you just kind of get bored and you want to challenge yourself with something new.
Um, so, and there are some dancers that I think. inherently believe, because of what the patriarch kind of pushes on us through society’s rules, that you need to maintain your youth and beauty in order to be a dancer. Um, I think that’s really unfair to place those standards on women, especially dancers, when, you know, it’s quite possible to be beautiful inside and out, no matter what your age.
And unfortunately, there are discrimination tactics within hiring, um, in strip clubs. And a lot of times, you know, ageism definitely is a factor, but you know, MILFs are a thing. And they wouldn’t have so many MILF options on porn websites if people didn’t actually like attractive older women. So you know, we want to talk a little bit today, and I’ll get into this more with the amazing guests that we have, about what it’s like transitioning from being a stripper into into like the real world, into living more of a civilian type of life.
So without further ado, I would like to introduce our beautiful, amazing guest, who’s also a dear friend of mine, Megan Rippey.
MR: Thank you. So happy to be here.
AMD: Yas queen. Yes. Thank you so much for coming.
MR: Thank you for having me.
AMD: You’re so welcome. Um, what, what is going on in your world right now, Megan? Because since we’re talking about transitioning, I mean, you’re doing like a million fricking things outside of the strip club. What do you have going on right now?
MR: Yeah, I’m trying. Um, so with the new year, um, I, Uh, sort of, um, you know, I was going back through my archives and sort of looking at not only the year in review, but the last decade in review. And that was like really fun for me to see kind of like where I was 10 years ago, because like it feels like so long ago, but then it’s, it’s not, you know, but like, I actually- So that, that’s when I realized that. I started dancing at the club that I’m still dancing at now 10 years ago. Um, so that was like, you know, I had this moment like, oh my God. Like that is a number, you know, like 10 years.
AMD: 10 years. Yeah.
MR: And like it’s not actually my 10 year anniversary, like that’ll be in October. So it’s like,
AMD: so it’s this year,
MR: but this is my 10th year.
AMD: And, um, you’re entering your 10th year?
MR: Yes. So, yeah, so that made me think about. Um, my life and, um, my sort of career and my, my various careers, I guess, and, uh, and like what’s next and, um, yeah. So now I’m at this time, you know, it’s, it’s, it, it was just the new year. So I’m kind of getting used to this, uh, this new feeling of reevaluating and seeing what the next 10 years are with what they look like.
AMD: Okay. So when you got into stripping, did you imagine? You would be doing it for this long?
MR: I think I thought that I would be doing it up until this long. Like I thought, like, I thought like, maybe I’ll do it for 10 years, like at the most. But I’m like super happy. Like, you know, I’m not like dying to get out. Like I recognize like that I have other talents and I have other things that I want to do and I have like other things in my life that I want to do and give my attention to. But it’s not, I’m not like, I’m not in like dire, dire need of like getting out of the industry, you know, like not like how I thought like I thought like 10 years would go by and I’d be like, Oh, man, why am I still here?
AMD: So how long because so you’ve been, um, you know, you’ve been working at jumbos clown room for almost about 10 years now, which is how we know each other. Um, and, but you were working somewhere else before that. So how long total have you been a stripper?
MR: So it’s been- so in February it’ll be 11 years. Okay. Yeah.
AMD: Okay. So you were somewhere else for just a short time. So when you started tripping, you were like 10 years at the most. Why did you give yourself that limitation? Can you remember?
MR: I think it was because I just visualized- like I had a picture in my head of like, Who I would be at that time, like, you know, when you’re like 20 years old and you like picture yourself at 30 and it’s like a woman that doesn’t even look like you, at least that’s what I thought, like, I, I just visualize this like woman that I would never recognize.
AMD: I think I found it. I found it. I really had to search. I found that. I, I remember what I thought.
MR: Yeah. Yeah. And even now, like when I think of myself at 50, I’m like, Whoever that is, you know what I mean? Like whatever age, it’s like, it’s almost this like other, like someone else is playing me. Like it’s some other actress playing me.
AMD: Maybe they are.
MR: Yeah, right? But it’s like, but it’s like, I just didn’t think that I would actually now be, um, Super, like, confident and in the best shape of my life and you know, like, I didn’t picture that at all. I pictured like, Oh, when I’m like 30, I’ll be like a mom already. You know, like I just had these like ideas. I know.
AMD: Do you still want to be a mom?
MR: I do. So that’s, that’s part of like, what does the next transition look like? Because it is. That’s just some, that’s like an unavoidable, you know, there will be at the very least there will be a break from dancing. You know what I mean? So it’s like that, that’s like the unavoidable transition that is coming at some point, but I don’t.
AMD: Well, you have to stop dancing for at least two months when you’re, when you get pregnant. Yeah. I’m kidding. Like probably longer.
MR: Probably longer.
AMD: But shit. You know, I’ve seen people. Strip I know up until like five, six months of pregnancy.
MR: I know, I’ve seen it too, you know, depending on where you work, you know, I’ve seen it too.
AMD: I mean, whatever, we’re women and we have jobs, so yeah. Whatever. But yeah. Um, wow. So do you feel like your idea of who, like- If you should be stripping at this particular time in life versus later in life, do you think that’s kind of changed over time? Like, do you think that you have a different idea of what a stripper looks like or should be like from when you started till now?
MR: Yeah, I think I do. I think, I think that it’s like all the women in my life now who are Beautiful inside and out and like confident and strong both inside and out. Like all of those women are older than like what I originally thought like a stripper was, you know, like they’re in their thirties and forties, like those are the strong, beautiful, like stunning drop dead gorgeous women. Like, you know, and then you have these like baby strippers and like they’re cute, you know, but like, that’s not who I picture anymore. I picture these like bad ass strong women who have been doing this for a long time and just are like, graceful and smooth and like clever and just and funny and like, you know, they rock my world. But they’re, but they’re like, we’ve all, we’re all older now, but like, they’re still like the hot women that I know in stripping. So yeah, I definitely feel like my, my, my idea of that has definitely changed.
AMD: That’s great. Yeah, that’s good. I mean, I think same for me, you know, when I was younger, My god, I was so filled with And so, so ingrained in the patriarchy, even though I thought I was free, you know, like that I was, that I had a, a more, like, I just thought I was smarter than everyone else. And that, that goes hand in hand with my ego. And when I look back on, uh, the things that I used to say, like, first of all, like, I didn’t want to be called a stripper back in the early 2000s. I wanted to be called an “exotic dancer”.
MR: That’s what I did too.
AMD: That was really important to me. Yeah. Um, and now what people say to me, like, Oh, um, Oh, is it okay to, Call me a stripper. Is that the right term? I’m like, yes, bitch. That’s what I am. Yeah.
MR: Yes. Call me a stripper I’m even still getting used to it 11 years in being called a stripper. Yeah. Yeah I’ve always like from the beginning like I’ve always and like as if there’s like any definition Like as if there’s a difference, but I, but I always called myself an exotic dancer, never a stripper. And even now it’s like, I, I, I like, I coached myself on it. I’m like, okay, like, like, you know, you’re going on this podcast. It’s called Yes,. A Stripper”
AMD: Are you struggling with being called a stripper?
MR: It’s just, it’s like a psychological hiccup. It’s like, I’m, I’m not opposed to it. And I, I don’t like. Like, in theory, it’s great. Like, I think it’s a great word, and it’s a sexy word, and I love the word, but I still trip over it. I still just have this little hiccup where I’m like, Stripper. You know, like, Isn’t that funny?
AMD: Yes. Do you have any idea why? Have you unpackaged that at all?
MR: I mean, I think it’s because of the place where I started 11 years ago was like defined itself as not being a strip club, even though it was like a topless place that had pasties, which is like more naked than I am at Jumbos, but like it was this, it was this beautiful fantasy land that shaped so much of who I am as a dancer, but then also as a person and it just defined itself as not being a strip club.
AMD: Were you selling lap dances?
MR: No.
AMD: Okay, so you were just performing.
MR: Yeah, it was just performing.
AMD: But you were on the pole, you’re wearing the shoes, you’re twerking.
MR: Well, we weren’t allowed to twerk.
AMD: What?
MR: I know. I discovered my love of twerking at Jumbo. Yeah, yo.
AMD: You’re one of the best twerkers.
MR: Coming from you.
AMD: No, you, your ass is like amazing things. You’re really good at it. So it’s funny, like, Oh, how repressed you poor thing.
MR: I was, in a way, I definitely was.
AMD: So, but you, were you getting down to thongs and you were dancing seductively?
MR: We, Were in, yeah, what were, well, yeah,
AMD: what was the underwear situation?
MR: Yeah, I think we would go down to thongs. It was like thongs and pasties, but we weren’t allowed to get on the floor. Like we couldn’t crawl, floor work.
AMD: No floor work.
MR: You had to, because like that wasn’t like sophisticated.
AMD: My brain hurts
MR: Oh my God. But it was like, it was like, you know how people say, or I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but you know how people say like jumbos is like the Disneyland strip clubs. At least I’ve heard that.
AMD: No, the only, the only one that, that I remember is “Jumbo’s clown room where strippers go to die.” That ended in 2009 or 10. Yeah. People stopped saying that. I’ve never heard the Disneyland of no.
MR: I think I’m pretty sure that that’s been said to me. Like I definitely have it in my head for a reason. No, but so my, my point there was- If like, okay. Like, people say that, but the place where I started, that was really the, that was really the Disneyland that was because it was just so, like, it was so copacetic, you know.
AMD: Wa was this in like a different state?
MR: Yeah, it was in Baltimore.
AMD: Okay. It was in Baltimore. Yeah. Okay. Uh, yikes.
MR: I know. And, and I don’t wanna trash it because like it was, it was a big part of Yeah, no, I know. Like, but. I mean, it’s, it is a little, it is a little ridiculous, but I, my heart, my, I just, it doesn’t exist anymore. So it’s no longer a place, but like I, a big part of my heart is still there. But yeah, that it was, it was different. It was different.
AMD: I’m sure. It sounds very different. I mean, no floor work. My God.
MR: I know. So. So I didn’t know
AMD: That’s like 70 percent of my routine
MR: We would practice in the dressing room where no one could see us. We would like get on all fours and like, you know, do like this crazy version of twerking. Like this is how you do it and like teach each other. Put your back into it. Yeah.
AMD: Like that is not how you twerk.
MR: I know. But we called it like the hurricane or something. We’re like, teach me how to do the hurricane.
AMD: Oh my God. You guys are so funny. Were you a bunch of white girls?
MR: Yes.
AMD: Yeah. Wow. Uh, that’s fine.
MR: Mostly Eastern, Eastern European girls.
AMD: Gotcha.
MR: And then me.
AMD: Um, so when you started tripping, like, did you see that as like a platform for you to pursue other arts and, and things in your life that you wanted?
MR: Oh yeah. Yeah, for sure. And I think like that was something that I discovered more and more. Like when I started, it was like, I thought I hit the jackpot because. I had just gotten out of college and I loved college because I got to study gender and women and sexuality and like, that was what I majored in.
AMD: That’s not what I thought you were going to say. Oh. I was going to say, I loved college because I could get topless at frat parties.
MR: Ew!
AMD: I mean, isn’t that what college girls do?
MR: I don’t know. We didn’t have frat parties. Frats at my college, which is one of the reasons why I chose that college. But I was the one throwing the parties that everyone would get naked at exactly.
AMD: I Knew it. I knew that about you!
MR: And that was my like that was my whole bag like it would be like, oh go over to Megan’s house She’s having one of her I would call it like these like deviant parties. Like I’m having a party on Friday. Yeah And we would all like get naked Like dress up in like fishnets and corsets and like crazy costumes and then like at a certain time of the night when like everyone was like feeling good, everyone’s drunk and like we’re listening to our favorite music and like, like everyone just got naked.
AMD: So you just basically made your own strip club.
MR: Yes. And then when I, so I graduated, I’m like, well, what am I going to do with this degree in women, gender and sexuality studies? I’m like, I know, okay, so listen, so there is this ad in Craigslist, okay, and I will remember this ad forever until I die. This ad was Non traditional exotic club seeks entertainers. Are you creative? Are you looking to be more creative? And I was like, what does any of that mean? And then, so obviously I answered it. And it was this club and I like showed up and it was these like beautiful girls in like tutus and corsets, like doing like little twirls around a pole. And I was like, this is my, this is my life now.
AMD: Wow. Craigslist.
MR: So, so to answer your question, I think I kind of got away from it, but, so that was my post college gig. And then at the same time I was like teaching like theater at like an afterschool program in Baltimore and I was working at a coffee shop and I was doing like all these plays and I was doing children’s theater and like community theater. Like I was doing all this other stuff, but then this was like my creative outlet. And it wasn’t even really the money at that point, which I know is hilarious, but like, we didn’t really make a lot of money there. It was a weird truck stop that like people stopped in and they had no idea what it was because it like wasn’t a strip club. It was just this weird like anomaly and they’re like why?
AMD: And you made money by tips on stage I’m assuming.
MR: We actually would make money. By walking around and talking to the patrons and then asking them for a tip. It was like, it was like very direct.
AMD: They didn’t take you on stage?
MR: No, cause the stage was separated by the bar. It was like, there was like, as if like the, like
AMD: So were you behind the bartenders?
MR: Yes.
AMD: I hate that shit. Yeah. I hate that.
MR: Yeah. Well at the time it was like, I don’t know anything different. It’s like, it didn’t bother me because it was like, whatever.
AMD: I despise it.
MR: So we would like go around to everyone and be like, Hi, how’s it going? You’re having a good night? Great. Would you like to tip me for my dance?
AMD: Give me money now.
MR: Yeah. And like, I just loved that. Like, and like, no one was like off the hook, you know, like everyone who’s sitting there watching you at least has to engage with you and like, they have to like either choose to give you a dollar or more than a dollar or no dollar and then like deal with you right there. Be like, Have a good night. You know what I mean? So like-
AMD: Ueggh! for those of you who can’t see my face, it’s not a happy one because you like literally are like, hi, did you like my show? Can you tip me? And they could very well be like, Meh…
MR: you know, but then like we just get them kicked out with, this is why we made no money.
Like this is like, this was how it was set up.
AMD: I can see why they’re not open anymore. I know. I got it. That’s a shame. Yeah. I mean, unfortunately when you put so many regulations on how women should move their body and then that sounds like their own like classification of, and their own, It was subjective when it’s your own personal opinion on how so it’s like, Like forward can be whatever classy not classy is just so unfair I think because again, it’s all subjective what you think is class and who fucking cares also because now you’re just creating a class system of women and by creating a class system, you’re marginalizing groups of people who are doing something that you deem is bad and then by marginalizing those people, you’re putting them in danger because it’s like, Oh, well, those women are bad. And so therefore I can judge them and potentially treat them like shit. And so it sounds like they were like the antithesis of that. Like don’t do floor work and don’t twerk because that’s only what bad, dirty, gross women do. And we’re not like them. Mm hmm. Yeah. And that, that’s exactly like one of the topics that I like to talk about on the show is how, why classifying women from each other and even we class- even I’ve heard sex workers classify each other. And by doing that, by saying this one thing is right and this one thing is wrong, then it’s okay to be shitty to these people who are being wrong.
MR: Right, right. Yeah. And I think, I think it took some time to undo- Well, I guess I’m still I’m still working on it.
AMD: Yeah, I mean we’re born into this way of thinking and believing and one of the things I talk about a lot to is I love the term gaslighting Yeah, I just love that term and we have been gaslit since we’re even born infants. And I mean, you’re, we’re gaslighting grocery stores. You go in the, it’s like the magazines at the checkout. I swear that was somebody’s whoever’s in charge of gaslighting. That was their amazing idea. They’re like, let’s put magazines at grocery store checkouts so everyone has to see that you should look like this actress or this, singer. You, you should try, buy all the things that they wear on their face and on their bodies. But if you act like them, we’re going to tell you you’re being slutty and, and we’re going to leave comments and tell you you’re a whore and that, Oh, what does your dad think about you? But also, but buy a cover girl. Buy these clothes, but if you act like this and do what they’re doing, we’re going to, it’s just like cycles.
MR: Well, and it’s like, you know, it’s the cover of like, what’s a, like a really nice one, like
AMD: Vogue.
MR: Vogue, and then like National Enquirer. It’s like, yeah. Transgressive women get The National Enquirer headline, you know what I mean?
AMD: Yeah, or like, look at how fat and old she is now. Isn’t that horrible? Don’t be like her.
MR: Those people how like make that magazine should just write and stop.
AMD: So that’s like, you know, that’s the gaslighting that we’ve been growing up with and we’re like, oh I need to be young and beautiful all the time and I have to get all this, this is like plastic surgery and all this shit in my face. Like I do Botox like whatever I don’t you know, I don’t care but like It’s so, it’s so offensive that I’m actually losing my train of thought thinking about all these flashes and images going through my head about all the shit we deal with and it’s like, and now if I, if I don’t look like this and I start freaking out, then I’m crazy. Oh, well you’re just crazy. Oh, you’re hysterical. So it’s like we can’t win no matter what we do. We’re constantly under a microscope. We’re constantly being pressured and then we’re constantly being forced to police ourselves and therefore each other Because if you’re p”olicing yourself and you see someone next to you, you’re like, “oh you’re kind of being slutty Like because you don’t want to associate with that. And so now it’s just like gaslighting and Classification all happening all at once from literally the day we’re born and so of course you’re having a hard time calling yourself a stripper of course I mean I started stripping technically, uh, when I was like eighteen at my friend’s house, uh, in New Jersey. You know, that one night. And there’s no way in hell I would have called myself a stripper in that moment. I was nude, in front of my friends, in a well lit living room. And, I’m sorry, that’s what a house call stripper does. Okay, the only difference was, I did not get paid for it.
MR: Fuck.
AMD: Yeah, exactly. Anyway, thank you for letting me rant.
MR: Girl, I’m here for it.
AMD: Yeah, so, what’s it gonna take for you to get comfortable calling yourself a stripper?
MR: Um, I don’t know. I, I mean, I feel like, I feel like I’m making significant progress actually, like lately, like I really feel, I feel with a lot of the activism that’s going on in the community and in the climate and
AMD: when you say community means sex worker
MR: Yeah. Yes sex worker community sometimes specifically like stripper community sure, but like also like, you know things online and just like like, you know, and you know and I have, I have feelings about like SESTA/FOSTA and like, you know, sex workers being in danger from these laws and then, you know, And yeah, and then also slut shaming and coming from men and then, but also women, like what you’re talking about, like classifications of other women that you deem like beneath you. And like, so, you know, for a long time I was like, Oh, I’m a, I’m an ally. I’m an ally. I’m a sex worker ally. I’m a, you know, and then it was like, I’m a stripper ally. I’m a, you know, like just when I was putting things out like publicly, you know what I mean? Like, especially on like Facebook. But I think like when I hit like 10 years, like 10 years dancing, which was like last year. And I was getting the word out about my show. So I wrote a one woman show that deals with, um, autobiographical elements from my life about being well, okay, listen. So the subtitle of the show, I say exotic dancer, but I wonder if I should change it. And like, actually I was having this conversation yesterday with someone who’s like, Oh, you call yourself an exotic dancer. And I’m like, yeah. And then I started to explain, I’m like, it’s because of this baggage and I’m working on it, you know? But so, so 10 years. So, so, so last year, what was my 10, 10th year of dancing? And so I was getting the word out about my show. That was like me coming out on like Facebook to like my friends and family, like, okay, so you’ve seen, you know, like posts of me, like half naked or like pole dancing. And like, you know, I like did this play where I was a pole dancer and you know, that I like do burlesque, but like, okay, like let’s just say it like let’s just get it out, like I work as an exotic dancer That’s what I do, you know, and that was a big deal for me and like, you know, I
AMD: after 10 years
MR: after 10 years Just and just to like put it publicly like to my entire community and I think Instagram’s like a little bit different But like Facebook in particular with like, you know, my aunts and uncles and stuff and I was like, yeah I was like here we go and like pressing the like You know, I was like sweating and I turned to Jan and I was like, Oh my God, I’m about to like come out.
AMD: Yeah. That is pretty interesting. I have a question for you. If, if Jumbos was a topless club, would you have still worked there?
MR: Yes.
AMD: Okay. Because you. I used to get so irritated with you, um, secretly because you used to, you would pull your shorts down a lot so that we would see your thong and that’s not allowed at Jumbos.
MR: Correct.
AMD: But listen, I’m not going to lie. I had my own issues surrounding stripping and the term exotic dancer and being a sex worker and I came from the nude strip clubs in Los Angeles where shit got really gnarly. Um, you know, there’s a long history of how those strip clubs in Los Angeles got to the way they are. There’s a lot of illegal stuff going on in there that used to bother me and now I think Everyone’s safer doing it indoors, but it just has to be reframed. It has to be- It does have to be taken care of. My point is, is because there were a lot of dancers willing to do more than what was legally, you know, what was black and white, um, you know, men are so stupid. So if you don’t, and I love you, but if you don’t explain to them explicitly, This is what you need to do here, and this is how you treat people, then they just make up their own rules. And so, long story short, I was getting grabbed, poked, licked, bitten on. I got, I got cummed on once by accident. It’s a long story. I’ll tell that another time, but it was getting really assault-y. And so I left the nude strip clubs and you know, I had a whole plan to get out and go to Jumbo’s clown room because I thought, this seems like a happy place where, um, I won’t have to dance nude
I won’t have to hustle up dances, but I still get to do what I love, which was dance. And then, so I was really strict and I was strict with the other dancers and I didn’t want the other dancers doing things that put us in the same class as the other clubs in LA. Yeah, and so when I saw dancers like you pulling your shorts down really far to show your thong I’m like, that’s not what we do here, you know And I was policing myself and projecting onto policing the rest of you and judging you in my mind And I remember Sandy. I don’t know if you ever worked with Sandy. Do you remember her? Sandy was, um, uh, an Israeli woman and she was very beautiful and she might have left before you came and she was very sexual and I had a lot of problems with her because she pushed the boundaries so hard.
MR: Oh, I don’t think I knew her.
AMD: Yeah, and then so when, so, but as time went on and the more I unraveled my own issues with the patriarchy and with classification and with slut shaming, I was like, yeah, I want to see your Thong, you know, you were really pushing the envelope before a lot of people were by dropping your shorts really low so we could see a lot of your ass crack. And so that’s why I’m also like when you’re sitting here telling me I have a hard time calling myself a stripper. I’m like, bitch, you got more nude than most of us.
MR: Oh my God. That’s so funny because. I like, yeah, I like don’t, I, yeah, I don’t know. I, I, I don’t even think of it like that. Like, like, cause I’ve worked- so for example, I work, I mean, I, I don’t currently, but I have worked at topless places before, but so this is a funny thing about me and it goes back to the place in Baltimore, which shaped me in a lot of ways for good and for bad. But I, even when I worked at topless places, I always. without an, without exception for 11 years, decorate my nipples so that I don’t feel nude so that like I have the illusion of pasties. I just put like glitter or like little stickers or like basically like, yeah, like, like little gems or little stickers or glitter to like make them kind of like sparkly and like forever. I mean, I, I would never work a shift. Okay, without that. And even when I travel and I work at places like that, I still do that. That is still a real thing. And it’s because like, I feel too nude without it. And I, I just, it’s just like a comfort level thing. So it’s funny.
AMD: A little bit of glitter.
MR: It’s, yeah, but it’s funny that you say that, like, Oh, like you’re more nude. Cause I always feel like I think of myself differently than that. So that’s just interesting. Like, I just, I’m like, now I’m just digesting what you said, because I’m just like, Oh no, I, I always feel like I’m the most covered up because I do little things like that because it’s like oh, I know I feel more comfortable like having a little decoration like sort of like I’m wearing pasties, but I’m not like it’s still my nipple, but right
AMD: Yeah, I mean, there’s that there’s so much there. You’ve been doing this for 10 years and and you just and I’m saying it not in a way that’s like I can’t believe you think that it’s like I’m more just curious and intrigued by that because I think that’s something that we all live with in varying degrees and like different parts of our bodies and um, and it just- I guess what is kind of like I see as a roadblock is just like, how do we get past that? How do we just accept our bodies for how they are and that like we have just as right to show our bodies off as men do. And like, I, I can’t stand seeing a man topless outside anymore during the day. I, I’m offended and I’m mostly offended because, um, I can’t even be like that on a digital platform where people can choose whether or not to see that. And they’re just walking outside with their shirt off. . I got cat called by a man on a porch one day and he was, he was topless. He, I like, I’d rather call him topless than shirtless. Yeah. Um, and I walk, I was walking past him and he was cat calling me and I was like. “Put some clothes on!” I shamed him for not wearing clothes outside. You know.
MR: That’s brilliant.
AMD: Because I was so fucking irritated. Firstly, you have no clothes on and you’re catcalling me, which is even worse than having clothes on, because you’re, like, you know, that’s very, like, rape culture style. Like, you’re, you’re too close to being naked to me. You know, and you’re, and you’re sexualizing,
MR: and it’s almost like mocking.
AMD: Like, yeah, you’re mocking, you’re mocking me because I have a shirt on and you don’t and you’re sexualizing me without your clothes on. And so I was, I was highly irritated and um, and, but when I see like men running outside with their, um, t shirts, With their shirts off, I just do that, like, emoji with the eyes, the eyes as lines, like. My eyes kind of shift from side to side as I watch them go by.
MR: I can picture this..
AMD: So irritating. Shit. Um.
MR: Thumbs down.
AMD: So, okay, so you do, you’re doing this one woman show, let’s talk a little bit about what you’re up to outside of the strip club. Which is being an amazing actor.
MR: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, I had actually like a pretty successful year in 2019. Um, as far as like acting stuff goes, it was sort of, uh, and like, Uh, not even necessarily that I was working more than usual. It was just like things kind of like, things bloomed at the same time, like the fruit dropped at the same time. I’m like, this is so much abundance, you know, it’s just how it happens sometimes. But here’s hoping 2020 is going to pull it out too. Yeah, even better.
AMD: Pull it out. Yes, here’s hoping. Sorry, you can’t set me up like that.
MR: I know, I know. Alright, go ahead. Now I’m like slut shaming your joke. So, yeah, I did, um, I did a western movie, uh, that premiered and had like a, like a limited release. Um, so I actually got to see it in a theater twice, once in California and then it had like a limited release. A separate premiere in, um, believe it or not, my mom’s hometown of Poughkeepsie, New York. Because the lead actor in this movie is also from Poughkeepsie. And so, and he’s the producer on it. And so he organized with, um, like the press and this movie theater there to have this little like premiere. And I got to go cause like my family’s all there.
AMD: So that’s really great. I did see your post.
MR: Yeah, I made it. Me and my mom both made it into the Poughkeepsie Journal. It was like, it was a really great moment. Like my mom, you know, like her like high school friends are calling her like, did you see the paper?
AMD: Did you guys have a red carpet?
MR: Um, you know what? The carpet in the movie theater was red.
AMD: Okay. So, yes. Yes. Got it.
MR: But yeah, it was like a sweet, sweet, tiny little theater. Very nice. Like, very, like, hometown. Very cute. It was a great experience.Um, and then, so, and then like the, the glamorous, That my glamour story is, um, another premiere that was actually a movie that I had shot, I think four years ago, um, called “Mermaid Down”, and that had a really like snazzy premiere at the Grove, and there was like a red carpet, and like, it was amazing. That was like one of my favorite days of my life because it was like a project that meant so much to me and the people on that project were so amazing and like I have kept in touch with them for four years as we’re like waiting for this movie to come out and you know we were just kind of supporting each other through that like it’s kind of rough when like a lot of us four years ago We were just starting out like these are a lot of young actors and like yeah to wait four years for your first big project To come out was was kind of stressful, but like we would we would call each other up, we would talk online, we would, like,
AMD: You were a support group for each other.
MR: Yeah, we were a support group, and like, for like, like, you know, like,
AMD: Hi, my name is Megan, and it’s been three years since I started working on this movie.
MR: Oh my god, I just realized how ridiculous that sounds. What am I even saying? This was a real thing, but I feel ridiculous
AMD: Today. I’m receiving my three year chip for not having had this project done.
MR: Oh my God.
AMD: I feel really good about this.
MR: And then it, and then it did. And then it like, it had this great premiere and like, we got to celebrate it. And it was just, it was lovely. It got amazing reviews. Like, It’s like a, it’s like an indie fantasy horror thriller. Um, I don’t know. That’s a lot of genres, but it’s somewhere in there.
AMD: My brain was like, boom, boom, bing, bing, bing. Okay.
MR: And, um, yeah, it was really great. So yeah. Anyway, I, I’m just really proud of those two projects and like, they kind of happened like in succession with each other and it just, it felt. It was like a good moment.
AMD: What about the Deer Woman project? Yes. Let’s talk about that. So that’s something that I’ve seen in person. Yes. Sure, one woman play. Yeah. We have another one coming up soon. Yeah. So tell us like the inspiration for that and just like a little synopsis of what that’s about. Yeah. I would love to. So, so this is a project that I have had in my, in my, somewhere in my head for years. Um, and, uh, basically. It’s, it’s, it’s sort of two worlds. It’s like, there’s the world of Exotic dancing slash stripping. There’s a world of stripping. I said it and there’s like this kind of fantasy world and like that’s kind of how I’ve always been I have like one foot in the reality one foot in like fantasy world. That’s kind of me.
AMD: The matrix.
MR: Yeah, right. Yeah and and So, for me, this fantasy world, uh, this, this mythological creature emerged from this fantasy world in 2012. This is a, this is a true story. This is what the play is about. I literally had a vision in a dream about this, like, creature. mythological persona called the “deer woman”. And it was a woman and she had antlers and she was the most beautiful, powerful, scary thing I’ve ever seen. And it, yeah, and it made a really significant impact on me and has, has influenced my art making process. From that moment on so that was in 2012 and then like almost everything I do artistically relates back to the deer woman. And so I I wanted to explore in a theatrical piece What she does for me in that other world in the world of stripping because she she She’s there, like she’s in me and she’s in the world, but like specifically she manifests herself in me in these moments and I wanted to write a story about that. So I know that sounds kind of like woo, but, um, basically the story of the play chronicles how I reconcile my love of dancing and my love of the world of stripping and the incremental, um, small injustices and violences that accrue over time and build into this rage and how I deal with it with the help of this, like, alter ego, like, persona that sometimes if I’m overwhelmed, if I can’t handle something, this sort of persona swoops in, takes over, takes care of business. So it’s like, so it’s part reality. It’s part fantasy. So it’s like, you know, the fantasy is like, she comes in and like, you know, some injustice is happening and like the deer woman’s going to take care of it. She’s going to like eat a heart.
AMD: Well, it sounds like, it sounds like the fantasy is just like the image that you have of her, but in actuality She is your reality because she is the strength that you find to deal with these things that you’re dealing with and so just like the image of her like obviously women can’t grow antlers on their heads. I mean Please take me to that world where that exists. I know it does sound amazing I just like drop my head down and run really fast into something- someone So, but yeah, I think that’s really powerful and I there is a part, you know, am I allowed to talk about when you walk out?
MR: Yeah
AMD: Okay, I don’t just want to give anything away. So there’s when you walk out in and you’re like finally revealed feel yourself as the deer woman. It’s just like so powerful. And I was like, so amazed by your shoes, like your hoof shoes. Um, and I think it’s cause I’ve spent so many years like, you know, clippity clop, like we look like show ponies and so, you know, horses are similar to deer. So I was just so fascinated by your shoes and your legs and how you actually like looked like half beast, half woman, which I think a lot of us are like- we are beasts, you know, like we’re we can get crazy when something’s really going down like, either crazy focus or crazy strong or crazy crazy to save ourselves. So yeah, I don’t know I just thought it was such a great metaphor for finding strength from within to be able to deal with like you said incremental injustices that happen to us all on a regular basis as women. And so, and so slight on occasion that we don’t even notice that we’re being fucked with.
MR: Yeah. Yeah. And then, and, and all of our All of our sort of in club defense mechanisms are like to like diffuse and like to ignore and to, you know, distract. Like, it’s very rarely, at least for me, it’s always been very rarely like confronting a feeling head on or like confronting an injustice head on. And so, like, with Imagining the dear woman as, as this sort of helpful like deity, it helped me and it helps me do that. And like, and look at something head on, antler, antlers on, antlers on, head on, and like, and deal with something and tell someone to stop or like enforce your boundaries or, or stand up for someone or something, you know, like whatever’s going on.
AMD: You just reminded me of this one day where I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard, which, you know, it can be crazy as fuck, you know, it was broad daylight and this woman I didn’t know her and she was walking towards me like we were gonna cross paths and I was looking at her and looking at the look on her face which was like brow, furrowed brow and this kind of like you know she was really irritated and then I looked over her shoulder and I saw a very tall man walking behind her doing the thing like hey girl like what like come and talk to me like what’s your number like to you know, like getting close to her and like just harassing her as she’s walking down the street and my natural instinct was as soon as she passed me I sidestepped right in front of him and I said “leave her alone” And I got right in his face and didn’t even think for a second about the consequences to me or my body. It was just like instinct kicked in, like similar to what we’re talking about. I just got crazy, like, just crazy angry at this guy and said,” leave her alone”. And then I sidestepped back out and then I kept walking. And he did. He stopped and he turned around and he started yelling at me. But he didn’t follow me, but he, it stopped him from doing what he was doing to her.
And, and I think one of the re-, I, what I did was assess my situation very quickly. I’m like, mm, it’s broad daylight, there’s a lot of people around. What’s the worst that could happen? Yeah. A lot of bad things could have happened, but I didn’t really take that into consideration because I saw somebody, another woman in distress. And I couldn’t stand by and watch it happen.
MR: And I would even say. I mean, I don’t know. I definitely won’t speak for everyone, but for me, like I would even say like sometimes seeing an injustice happening to another woman triggers that much easier than it happening to you. Personally.
AMD: Yeah.
MR: Me. Yeah. Like if, like Yeah, for sure. And, and that’s, I think what I’m, what I’m always working on is like how to,
AMD: there’s all kinds of shit to work on. Yeah. all day every day.
MR: Oh, and I do wanna say, I just wanna say about that really quick, that. It’s directed by Valerie Hager.
AMD: Oh, great.
MR: And she was one of the main inspirations for me actually, like, getting it out into the world and out of my head, this idea. Because I saw a solo show that she did about her life as a stripper, and she stripped for over ten years. And she wrote this incredible one woman show, and then I saw it with some of our friends. Um, and it changed my life, a hundred percent changed my life, and it, and that, and I bring that up because of our theme that we’re coming back to, and like, I just saw, I was like, oh my god, like, this isn’t just a girl on stage, like, expressing, like, oh, I need to express myself, and, you know, this, my, this is my performance art, and I’m doing it for my own soul. You know, it was like, it was like, you know, just top tier artistic integrity and like, and like incredibly entertaining and sold out. And the award winning
AMD:What was that show called?
MR: it’s called naked in Alaska.
AMD: Yeah. I had a feeling it was something with Alaska. Yeah. Got it. And it was, I remember hearing about it. I never got to see it.
MR: Well, hopefully, hopefully she’ll have a, she’ll do it again in LA. Um, awesome. But I know she was like running it for a while and that, and so that also just spoke to me. Like if you have, um, If, if you can turn this, you know, cause we’re all creative, artistic people, like if we can find a way to turn it into like a brand and a product that’s like actually good, um, then, you know, doors open for that kind of thing. So she has since, like, after me, um, Has sort of become like a director of female solo shows and like that’s like her path right now And so like I’m so now we like inspire each other and I’m still working with her on this show But
AMD: that sounds amazing.
MR: So yeah looking at her I get a lot of amazing ideas of like how to transition or like what that looks like or like yeah, that’s beautiful
AMD:Yeah, I love that. Thank you. Yeah right on
Stripper Tips
MR: You know, first, the first thing that came to mind when you said stripper tips is
AMD: Are you okay? Is your brain, like, skipping? I know, I can’t, like, uh, uh, uh. Stripper tips?
MR: Stripper tips. Lol. The first thing that came to mind is personality on stage.
AMD: Okay, which you have a lot of.
MR: Yeah. And I just Um, it, I feel it working for me and I just, I have the sense that it could work for anybody. And like, I know that some women totally make great money having this other, you know, like not as much sort of like outward personality, but like more of like a simmering vampy, you know, you know what I mean?
AMD: Yeah. I have people in mind.
MR: Yeah. It can totally work. Another way. But for me, I feel like a performance can only be improved by personality. So that’s, so I don’t know. I, I feel like, I mean, I’ve been doing this for 11 years and that’s like above like learning tricks, above like what you wear, above like how you actually move. People Literally say to me every single day that I work like, Oh, I just really liked you because you smiled and made eye contact. That’s literally it. Like, and then like, there was that one day, there’s this one day that like the pole literally broke and we were all like, Oh my God, what do we do? And there were the girls who like, All they do is pole tricks and they don’t make eye contact and they don’t smile and they were freaked out and I was like, Guys, we’ll be fine. Like, all you have to do is just prance around and look at people and smile at them. And like, we
AMD: It’s really hard for some people. It’s really hard.
MR: But like, actually, like, we made really good money that night and like, girls were trying that out. And I think it was kind of like a fun experiment because there was literally nothing else to do. You literally couldn’t do what you normally do. Got it. So yeah, I feel like that’s a good tip.
AMD: Okay. Yeah, I like that tip. Yeah, that’s really nice. I agree with you I did I do a lot of eye contact and smiling as well. And what I tell people is people want to To not just be seen, but they want for you to see them, like to really see them. And they want you to, they want to feel like you are trying to get to know them when you’re on stage and just by certain types of looks. Cause you’re not just, you’re not just looking and smiling. You’re like being playful and moving around in like kind of enticing them into your world. And so that’s the real difference. That’s more than personality that I’ve seen from you. It’s about like real human connection. Yeah. That’s, yeah. I, I like, yeah.
MR:I like how you said that. Yeah. That’s nice. That’s what I’m here for.