YAS Podcast: Daphne Episode #14 Transcript
The only transgender pole dance/stripper show producer in Los Angeles, Daphne is challenging the norm. Just because transgender strippers haven’t often hit the stage like other strippers, doesn’t mean it has to remain that way. She wants to allow more opportunity for her community members and create a space for them to feel the freedom of performing with acceptance and love. Daphne gives us insight on the community she represents and teaches us a thing or two.
*This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors.* Begin transcript after opening credits.
AMD: Hello, and welcome to Yes, a Stripper podcast. Still operating under COVID 19 from our homes, um, not in a studio still. Anyway, wondering how long that’s going to go on for. So, you know, here’s a thought. There was this time I was having this conversation with a white male one day, and they’re typically some of the most absent minded and, privileged thinkers that there are and, um, you know, we were talking about what happened in a strip club one day and after hours and he was like, and it was really crazy. It was a really gnarly story. It was very crazy. And I was like, Oh my God, I can’t believe that’s happening. And he’s like, well, what do you expect?
It’s like a strip club. Like, that’s just how it is. And my response to him was. It doesn’t have to be that way just because that’s your vision or society’s vision of what a strip club is or those types of places are, doesn’t mean that it has to maintain that same abusive cycle. And this is something you know that that what really irked me about it is that It was sort of the mentality of like, well, whatever that’s the way it is and it’s broken and it’s fucked up and that’s just how it’ll always be. History never changed with that would have never changed with that narrative. We wouldn’t have had people fighting for their rights and getting their rights if they believed that type of narrative And so, um, I disagree with that mentality.
Well, that’s the way things are and so that’s the way it’ll be. No, I believe in dreaming up what you want your future and what you want your reality to be and then thing and making change and making a true difference in the world. And our guest that’s with us right now, Daphne is one of those people.
Daph: Hi
AMD: You are someone, hi, I just admire your work so much. Cause you’re somebody who’s like, no, like fuck the way it is. I’m going to make it the way I’ve always dreamt of. And so I’m sorry, I’m emotional. I’m kind of on my period today. Not kind of, really, really am. And um, I just admire your work so much and that you’re like making a true difference by not allowing the standard remain the standard. So thank you for being here.
Daph: Well, thank you for having me and thank you for that intro. I mean, um, it’s really, I don’t know, especially in these, uh, weird times that we’re at right now. We’re stuck with our own, like, self talk and so it’s nice, honestly, to hear sometimes what other people’s perspectives on things as opposed to that, you know, that little voice that we have for ourselves. So thank you for that.
AMD: Yeah, you’re welcome. Yeah, it could be totally scary my mom sent me this really beautiful quote by Machiavelli about I want to find it about people who practice reform like people like you and people like me quite honestly, right? I think I just found it. Here it is. “It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies in all those who profit by the old order. And only lukewarm defenders and all those who would profit by the new order. This lukewarmness arising partly from the incredulity of mankind who does not truly believe in anything new until they actually have experience of it.”
AMD: And I just love that. And I feel like, cause a lot of times I’m really uncertain about the reform that I’m trying to enact and like the sort of wave of doubt,
Daph: Imposter syndrome.
AMD: Imposter syndrome? Yeah. Like am I doing this right? Should I be doing this? Yeah.
Daph: Am I the right person to be doing this? Like, yeah.
AMD: Totally. So let’s give everyone a little context and background of who you are and what you’re doing. Frst of all, do you identify as a stripper?
Daph: Yeah, I mean, I mean, we’ve been doing it for like a short amount of time, but I’m, I still consider myself a baby stripper, if anything.
AMD: Wonderful. So you have a show that you put on. Can you tell our audience about your work and about that show?
Daph: Yeah, so, I throw this night, um, out here in LA called Jolene and the whole purpose of it was- sort of arose because I was dancing- I found a place to dance at, and I, You know, after having gone to different strip clubs and have wanting to be inspired and always wanting to have danced and found a place for trans women, it was a trans women only, um, lineup, but it was just kind of a, you know, weird, grungy, exploitative, like sort of environment. So I was like, I want something that’s more fun, something that like, you know, celebrates the dancer is something that you know, sort of takes that fetishy aspect out of the dancers and, you know, out of the- surrounding like trans women. Yeah. And so I just kind of, I don’t know, at first it was just like me talking about it a lot. Like I want a better place. And then it was like, I’m going to make a better place. And then I just started producing my event, Jolene at Cheetah’s originally, cause that’s where I started dancing. And yeah, and I just wanted a place where it didn’t matter, you know, whether you identified as trans or cis, you know, women are women, trans Women are women, cis women are women and so I just wanted to create that safe space and environment that I was able to find in different areas and sort of also to just bring that, you know, there’s so much like apprehension I feel that happens between cis and trans women sometimes.
So I just kind of wanted to bring that together and be like, hey, like, we’re all, we’re all dealing with the same shit. We’re all dealing with this fucking patriarchy. Let’s work together. That’s, that’s how it came along, you know,
AMD: I have so many questions, yeah. How you say we’re all dealing with the patriarchy and misogyny, um, so I, and I, and I asked you this because I need to be educated and we need to educate others. But obviously you’ve experienced the misogyny and the patriarchy part of that. Do you think it’s the same and different as, same, same and or different than cis women of what you, what trans people go through?
Daph: I think there’s definitely-, it’s like, you know, there’s, there’s like, it’s sort of like a, those Venn diagrams where it’s like the different circles and things- There’s certain things that I feel like trans women experience that cis women don’t experience versus there’s some things that cis women experience versus trans women experience. There’s a huge- that stuff doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, there’s so many like overlying things in that middle circle that we both have to overlap and deal with. I mean- something like that, you know, specifically from my own experience speaking as a trans woman is like, you know, a lot of the things you deal with is like the whole fetishization that surrounds, like, a lot of trans women when it comes to, you know, any environment involving, like, sex or being, like, adult oriented, you know, um, Yeah. I mean, but I mean, what woman isn’t fetishized at one point or another for one thing or another?
AMD: Yeah. I mean, in the eighties it was like blonde women.
Daph: Yeah.
AMD: Like super blonde.
Daph: Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you know, again, that’s just one thing that it’s like, oh yeah, it can be seen as different, but it’s like, no, but it’s still a similarity. Like, you know, we all, we all still deal with these same underlying issues, you know?
AMD: It’s so interesting. I love that you said Venn diagram. I still need to make a Venn diagram that I’ve been talking about for the last three months. And so I might call on you and ask you to, for you to make a Venn diagram so that we can share it along with your podcasts. You know, it’s just, um, unfortunate that there’s so much misinformation in general about the way people choose to live and being as like- me growing up as a sex worker. And I say growing up because I didn’t fully feel like an adult until I was 30. I felt like a child until then and sometimes still do. But you know, I felt a lot of discrimination and I also am in a place of privilege and so, do you mind- So I didn’t, there’s people who have experienced more of it, is my point, and so can you speak on that at all, like, what, if,- how that helped shape you to the person you are today, like, dealing with a certain level of discrimination, being not only a sex worker but a trans woman as well, like, what’s that like?
Daph: I mean, you know, either, I mean, there’s days where it’s like really hard and like all the shit gets to you, you know, and all I want to do is just lie in bed and not move from my bed and literally eat, you know, Oreos dipped in speculoos butter…
AMD: Speculoos butter?
Daph: It’s really good from Trader Joe’s, but at the end of the day, like, you know, something that I had to like really reevaluate with myself is like, either I can, you know, allow these anxieties. Like, you know, manifest and turn into something where it’s just like into paranoia where I don’t achieve anything, or I can still- just take a breath and just be a little bit more fearless and just go about my day like every other person does. You know, just what’s more rewarding but like also being able to allow myself to have those days where it’s like I feel that like an overwhelming sadness or just to give myself a body- myself a moment to process all of that because Sometimes going out, you’re just on like high anxiety and like on high alert because it’s like you just go out and you’re just like, Oh God, I feel hawky. I feel like someone’s going to say something. Right. Um, but at the end of the day, you just kind of have to be like, just suck it up and then go about your day and live your life and don’t allow your fears to like, you know, overtake you, I guess. They’ll have those dates to process being on high alert all the time.
AMD: Do you, do you feel like through like the development of Jolene and your show that you’ve created sort of like a community around that, around that event?
Daph: Honestly, it’s super cool to see all the regulars that have- we’ve somehow managed to like have. I mean, there’s, you know, a lot of people in the crowd that come just to support the girls. I’m grateful for that. You know, I, you know, growing up queer in Orange County and being like, you know, one of the few like minority groups or like kids that weren’t white, essentially, like it was so hard for me to find like community and like, things like that out there. So that’s something I’ve always longed for. And, you know, doing this, it’s just, I don’t know, it’s, it’s been a real big blessing to see the people that come out, um. Just to, honestly, at the end of the day, support, like, what the whole, like, motto of it is. It’s just to just celebrate, at the end of the day, just celebrate trans women, celebrate queerness.
AMD: What, so you have cis women also in your show, right?
Daph: Yeah, I do a lineup of, like, cis and trans women. And the reason why I do that is, um, you know, I was sitting and talking with Jordan Kensley. She’s the one that actually helped me, like, gave me so many good, like, ideas and stuff about how to navigate with cheetahs and stuff from the beginning. And so she recommended having a half and half lineup because then that would just, you know, help to normalize the attraction to trans women because, like, I don’t want it to be, like, you know, seen as, like, a bench anymore. I just want to be, like, oh, you know, you just, you like one, it’s like the way I like to see it, tt’s like, you know, if you’re going to go to a buffet, there’s plenty of different types of foods there for everybody, you know, and you may not like the green beans where you’re going to fucking live for the, you know. Fried chicken. So something for everybody, you know, and just, yeah, I just wanted to normalize that attraction. I just wanted to stop guys, especially the men that are like, you know, transamorous men to stop, you know, sort of rethink their, just to start rethinking their dialogue, inner dialogue that they have about their attraction towards trans women. (inaudible) that creepy fetish sort?
AMD: That’s what I was just about to ask. Do you think they they do it? I I’m just trying to get into their heads, you know? Yeah. Like, because I know, I know a man, he’s a very dear friend of mine and he, um, is attracted to women, but he’s also very attracted to, um, trans women. And, but he’s just the most kindhearted soul. I don’t, I, and I’ve never had a deep conversation with him about like what you’re talking about because it didn’t ever occur to me. Um, until now, but he doesn’t come off to me as someone who’s doing it in this like creepy way. And so is there a difference between someone who’s genuinely like, for instance, I’m genuinely mostly attracted to male men. And then the women I’m attracted to are super pretty, voluptuous. females. Like I like the lipstick girls. So for him, I feel like that’s just a genuine, like, attraction that he’s kind of wired to have. And that was always my thought. And now I’m wondering if I was wrong this whole time.
Daph: Well, no. So, you know, there are the guys that are genuinely just like, you know, who just, The trans women as women, you know, they’re attracted to like femininity in all its forms
AMD: Okay
Daph: And there’s like, you know, when I when I for the first time I started dancing out- there’s been the ones- and when I say creepy it’s the ones who come off as being predatory like the ones are like, you know, like are there that are like- Almost like, sort of just like, literally only seeing you for just like, you’re no more different than a steak on a plate, you know? You are literally just a fucking walking piece of meat and they literally only see you for the one body part and that’s it, you know? And not, you know, wanting to get to know you for a person, they literally just see you for your anatomy. You know, like that’s the huge difference. There’s, you know, there’s some people that are like, you know, are definitely curious or at least, you know, transamorous and, you know, very polite, treat you very, like a decent human being, but, you know, there’s just treat you like an object and I guess that’s the biggest difference who treats you like a human or not.
AMD: That’s so interesting because I feel the same way about some customers, like customers over time. And even I experienced this on Instagram with certain men that I DM with. There’s two, three, four, there’s like about four or five different men that I’ve never met before that I message with on Instagram. And they don’t send me dick pics. They don’t ask to have sex with me. They’re not trying to like get to know me, um, treat me like a normal person. And then I have the guys that come in and they’re like, hi, I want to fuck you. Literally, I had to block somebody today for saying that.
Daph: Oh, they’re just so out there with what they have to say.
AMD: Yeah, or like, but this is my body. And all you’re thinking about is how to plow it. Like you’re definitely getting blocked. And and so I say all of that to say that of course it would translate with trans women, because people’s mentality about something that’s different, it probably just gets amplified. Because, because of like, a lot of people just can’t wrap their heads around it. And like, they’re, I’ve experienced that same thing too, where they’re just like, where they’re just like, Hey, what are you doing after this? Like in the first 30 seconds of me meeting them. And it’s like, I have cats and I’m hungry and I go home. Like I’m a normal person. What do you mean? What am I doing after this? I go to bed and then sleep.
Daph: They’d be like, what are you doing after this? Can I buy you some food after? And that’s how they get into it. Well, yeah, cause I like food.
AMD: Yeah. So, um, yeah, so of course, of course it would translate that way, but I I don’t know. I just want them to learn faster.
Daph: Yeah. And I think what I’ve sort of come to the conclusion to is- so like there’s like different levels. I feel like almost like it’s like- or more so like on the spectrum of like guys. So it’s like you have a super like creepy fetish guy and like, you know, let’s think you know locked in the basement like just going at it on their computer, you know, whatever and then there’s like the one that like just like amazing, super dope, sweet guy. I think the level of their, like, fetishiness tends to, like, usually rely on how much they’ve been able to process their, like, societal shame that they’ve inherited around a lot of, you know, these different topics, especially for trans women, you know? Um, or like, even for, like, gay men who come out, like, later in life, or like, those, like, you know, guys that like don’t ever come out, but like, you’re like,Oh, we found you on Craigslist or something. If anyone remembers Craigslist.
AMD: Yeah. I, I know exactly what you’re talking about. If we look at what the media has done, right. The media has done this with strippers and sex workers as well, where, you know, we’re typically the butt of the joke. But if you, and then, but now that I’m thinking about it I have, like I can recall specific movie, The Hangover, which is a very popular movie, where they’re doing exactly that. They’re fetishizing trans women, and they’re and then there is shame surrounding like, oh, you had, you had sex with her, she is a dude, and it’s like, oh, I can’t believe it, oh my, and it’s like, well, why is that the most horrible thing that could have happened to you? You know, it’s not and that and I think that that’s kind of what where that shame comes from is from this like collective societal thinking of that having sex with the same sex if you’re not out as gay is super shameful and and not good for some reason?
Daph: Cause it’s that whole idea of like heteronormativity of like, you know, like this is how it should be.
Like, you know, I think about it too sometimes it’s like, uh, you know, I’m super grateful to have grown up super queer and like been able to have found my community and things like that, because like you have these people that are like, Oh, I have this timeline to follow. I gotta find my like high school crush, go to college. Keep in touch with your crush, marry them, finish college, buy a house, white picket fence, have the kids, all by this like time period and they’re like, you know, it’s like all they’re stuck on, whereas like, you know, whereas with us, we just sort of like, we’re like fuck it, like that’s not the life I’m gonna have and so I’m just gonna live our life with what we will, you know.
AMD: Totally. Yeah, and it’s so courageous to live that way. And I think people don’t even understand the amount of courage that it takes to step out of a normal way of being and choose your own path because it can be terrifying.
Daph: I mean, there’s some people who would rather live in an unhappy- like, they’re just like, live in a lifestyle where they’re not happy and they’re living quiet and closeted and would rather be, sit in that uncomfortableness. Or be comfortable in that sadness, you know?. As opposed to living out their truth, you know?
AMD: Yeah, totally. Totally. And honestly, that to me is more scary living in some sort of a lie or being trapped inside of your body and not fulfilling your desires and your path. Even though people might tell you you’re crazy, like.
Daph: I mean, that’s why, that’s why we have homophobes, you know. What can you ay about the homophobes, they’re the first who are going to be bent over at the glory hole, honey.
AMD: Hahahah! Did you hear the story about this, this, there was a story that came out, my friend told me about it the other day, about this man in a different country in Europe basically said that he coronavirus was the result of, um, homosexuality and it’s like a punishment from God that because of homosexuality and then that guy ended up getting coronavirus.
Daph: Oh my god.
AMD: Isn’t that great?
Daph: That’s always the gag. That’s always the gag. It’s always, you know, it’s always the, how many fucking senators or politicians or priests have we had that are like, oh, those damn homosexuals and they were found in a fucking park bathroom.
AMD: I know. Yeah. That’s so. You know.
Daph: Yeah. I mean, look at that, that, this asshole that lives in LA Aaron Schott, who was like, I believe he was with Arizona, um, he actively voted against the gay and queer community, and is now, and then was seen like, you know, bouncing around like at Coachella with like, with guys and things like that, and then at The Standard, and then recently he released, um, this like, whole long, like, apology of like, oh, well, this and this happened, you know, I’m gay, like, never apologize, never acknowledge for setting in place the most harmful, like, policies towards his own community, you know?
AMD: (inaudible)
Daph: Yeah, it’s his, his, he’s like a, he was a senator, I believe. I want to say from Arizona from what I researched, yeah. Oh, shit. But now he’s like seen at the standard and like at all the circuit parties, you know, with all the muscle boys and his body is like, you know, as my friend Aris said, his body is okay.
But like, you have that level of like, you know, shame that happens with it and it’s like, yeah, you know, I understand to an extent, like, you know, having, you know, a hard, you know difficult family life and things like that and like a difficult growing up. But like, I mean, look at all of us who managed to make you know, do something better with that, like, you know, there’s something I saw online where it’s like, either you stay, you suffer a lot. And you say, no one should ever have to go through this, and you do what you can to change that. Or you say, people should- other people should feel this as well, and you make them feel the same level of hurt as you did, you know, it’s just, it’s, it’s between those two, you know.
AMD: You’re absolutely right. And I wish I understood more about how someone gets to that fork, and like, what, what makes someone choose this way or that way. Right. Like what makes someone say, oh, I’m gonna change this and break this cycle. Or what makes some, say someone say, I’m just, this is the cycle I’m comfortable with, so I’m gonna stay here. Yeah. What is the deciding factor? Like, what is like, is it a personality characteristic? And I don’t, I’m not saying that you have the answers to these. I’m just, now I’m pondering. When you get to that point, how do you, what’s happening there? What is that catalystic moment? That’s like, I’m going to go left and make a difference.
Daph: I mean, that’s, that’s the weird part of life. Everyone experiences it differently, you know?
AMD: Totally. Yeah. I love, you just have so much positive outlook on it, you know, I really appreciate that. I wanna- I wanted to talk, because I know that you said you had Jolene at Cheetahs, and then one day, Cheetahs, like, you’re done, everyone’s done, we’re closing. What was that like for you?
Daph: Honestly, that, that was super tough. I mean, in the immediate moment, all I did was just turn into like, turn on like, you know, thankfully I was on a manic upswing and was able to utilize that to turn- put on my producer hat and just, you know, reach out to my network. My friends, um, Valentina and, um, Melinda and Chris, they were able to connect us with another venue, like within like a few days after. So luckily there was that, but like, I remember dealing with that after that event and just being like, fuck, like, I don’t know where to go from here. Like, I don’t, like, it was, it’s already, it was, it’s already hard getting into, you know, making it work at Cheetahs. I was like how am I going to make it work at any other strip club that has never had any sort of, like, specialty nights like this, you know? And so, yeah. Yeah. I was kind of like defeated for a minute, but I just sort of was like, okay, you know what? Things happen. Things change. And we’re just, you just, you know. I’m gonna have to roll with it or else it’s done forever.
AMD: Yeah, just to make sure the audience is caught up on this subject. So Cheetahs in Hollywood was closed down unexpectedly. When was that? November or December?
Daph: Yeah, it was in November. It was our November event. Yeah,
AMD: Right before what?
Daph: Right before Thanksgiving, it was supposed to be such a fun night.
AMD: Right, right. So your, your night was scheduled to be at Cheetah’s like a couple days after, a few days after. So you had about how many days to scramble to find a new venue?
Daph: I had a week. Yeah, I literally had a week and all I could do was just as soon as I heard cause I was like hearing back and forth and like, the girls, like, you know, like Erika and Malice and like Elise were all texting me and telling me what, about what was happening. And sort of like those girls like were, love them. They like kept me in the loop there. They really helped me like, you know, help make like Jolene happen there, you know, from that other end of totally working at cheetahs. And then it was finally like Monday and it was like, then I called them and was just like, Hey, what’s going on? We have our like show that’s supposed to be scheduled. Like, and they were just like, Oh, we’ll get like, you know, we’re not sure about what we’re going to do with that yet. Let me find out. And then just never heard.
AMD: So you never heard back from them?
Daph: Nope.
AMD: Yikes. Yeah. So we actually interviewed- had Malice and Kayla on the show with us, uh, a couple weeks ago and their podcast released just the other day. I don’t know if you had a chance to hear it or not, but they, we did talk about that story and what happened there and, and you’re, you actually, in your show got mentioned on that episode as well because you were affected by it just as much, just as they were, you know? Um, so, and you said something too that Cheetahs was the home to the first transgender show.
Daph: Yeah.
AMD: Is that in Los Angeles or is that? Specifically pole, right?
Daph: Yeah I think in L. A. that was the- There was, there was, in LA- so there’s this guy that, like, you know, did strip nights throughout LA or throughout the U.S. but yeah, I would say Cheetahs was, was and is still the only strip club I know of now that has ever had like sort of that inclusivity, that level of inclusivity for strip club. I mean, I know Jumbos used to get like super wild. And it used to be like back in the day was like, you know, all girls of all types, you know, but I think more so current day there’s like, Cheetas was like the only one that was allowed a specialty, they put it.
AMD: Now what about strip clubs? Like that have all female dancers. We talked to Miles (Woods) not that long ago and we were talking about how he dances in all female strip clubs and is very accepted and, um, and, you know, appreciated at those clubs. And I’m like, you know, that’s just not, that’s like new territory. I think it’s great.
Daph: That’s amazing.
AMD: Yeah. It’s amazing. What about trans gender women, um, in the strip clubs, like what’s the, what’s the history like there? Can you talk on that and what you’ve seen?
Daph: Honestly, just from my own experience, like I went and tried to audition, um, at a different, at different clubs. You know, some people are like, there’s like the 90 percent of strippers who are like super cool, who are queer, who are, you know, super accepting and open minded. And there’s that like 1/10 percent that’s the fucking, that are Trump supporters, who are super Republican. And sometimes you’re just like, can you just put your foot in your mouth, you know, the most backward things, but like again, you know, I just, it is what it is, but then also I feel it depends on the managers too, like, you know, sometimes there’s still this like- I feel like, There’s just sort of like people have different reactions to different things, you know? There might be more familiarity because Miles still presents and identifies as male. So there’s still that like male You know, I mean, Miles is just an amazing, has such an amazing energy is like, like just a beautiful like soul, but like, you’re like, you know, like if it was just me or some other trans girl walking into a club, like it can get catty, you know? One of my friends was dancing up in SF. She was telling me about, like, how she was dancing at a space, um, up in SF, and, you know, one of the girls found her Instagram and, like, then told all the other girls, and then she got pulled into- pulled in by the manager and was just like, listen, we don’t have a problem with you being trans. We just have to let you go because it’s a liability if a customer were to freak out and, like, punch you or something like that, you know?
AMD: What? That makes zero sense. I’ve seen, I’m, my roommate got punched in the face and she’s a woman at a strip club by a female customer. You know what I mean? Like that lo logic makes no sense that she would be a liability.
Daph: Yeah. Uh, well the, there’s the Trans Panic Defense, um,
AMD: I’ve never heard this phrase Trans Panic?
Daph: So there’s the gay, there’s gay panic and trans panic defense, and there’s only three states that have outlawed this New York, Washington, and California, but essentially iit states that, like, someone can use, like, temporary insanity from finding out that someone was trans or gay, and that’s why they murdered them.
AMD: Wait a second, we need to elaborate on this. I’ve never heard this before, and I’m wondering if a lot of other people haven’t. Please tell us everything.
Daph: Yeah, so it’s essentially that you can say that you panicked and killed a gay person or a trans person because you didn’t know. And that’s illegal defense, like, like temporary insanity. Because you just didn’t know and you, you know, and then you freaked out. Oh, I freaked out because I didn’t know it’s their fault that I didn’t know. So I freaked out and, you know, hurt them. That’s the, that’s legitimately what trans and gay panic defense is.
AMD: So that reminds me of something that I heard about that happens in Europe and I don’t know if it still happens, but it was a thing where if you were like, stay married and you walked in on your spouse sex with another person, if you kill those people, then you could use that defensive, like complete rage and temporary, like you’re saying, because you just like walked in on. So is it sort of like, is it like as in engaging in a sexual encounter? And then that’s where that comes into play? Or is it just like, you just, it’s not just meeting someone and then you kill them.
Daph: And most of the time, it’s like, it’s wet. It results from like a sexual encounter. Like, you know, a lot of the times it’s like, you know, like the girls, this is why I like also like I do my night and have that half and half line up to like normalize the attraction to trans women is because, you know, something that was happening a lot last year that was really hard to hear is there was a lot of black trans women being murdered. And a lot of, uh, you know, a lot of them were either from lovers or from you know, working relationships, but like, you know, a lot of these guys couldn’t deal with their shame of their attraction to trans women. And that’s how it manifested, you know?
AMD: Unbelievable. Yeah, I’m so grateful to have this conversation because I did not realize and so you’re saying that it’s that’s illegal to use that defense in- or it’s it’s not a usable and admissible defense in only three out of 50 states?
Daph: Yeah. There’s like, there’s, there’s, um, like a lot of states that you can like specifically I know for sure in the Bible about, um, you know, that you can use that like Oh, I freaked out and murdered this person because I didn’t know they were transgender, you know, and that’s like almost like a temporary insanity, sort of, like excuse.
AMD: That’s absolutely absurd. I have plans to live till 120. I think 80 years is enough time to also look at that law. I’m trying to change so many laws right now. But I’m like, that’s just so ridiculous that 80 years is a good amount of time to try to get all that work done. Shit. I hate to hear that. Thank you for sharing that.
Daph: Yeah, that’s why, you know, my friend ended up getting, you know, released from the strip club that she was working at. You know, there’s no hard feelings or like I, she was saying that like, you know, a lot of the girls sort of, you know, knew and didn’t care, you know, cause it was a full nude space, but she didn’t have to go full nude. You know, um, But it was just, I think, legitimately that because this was, like, also before California. Because it was only recently that California, made that, illegal to use as a defense. But…
AMD: Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Interesting. Okay. So there, so those three states are like definitely on the forefront, and it’s kind of a new thing that they looked at.
Daph: Yeah, yeah.
AMD: Unreal. Is this 1920? Or is this 2020? What the F, man? I feel like it’s going backwards sometimes.
Daph:I think we, we did go a little backwards. Whatever that- whatever xperiments they did with the like, you know with that like black hole device that they have out there. They surely fucked something up
AMD: Yeah, something weird is going on. Wow. Well, that was definitely a really interesting piece of information that I think our audience will really appreciate I had no idea that even existed. So yeah, we’ll share. Yeah Are you ready for our next segment? So moving to stripper tips?
Daph: Yeah, I mean, right before we do that though, I just, you know, now I want to like, you know, call in your audience and just be like, you know, so, you know, now if you ever, like, see someone who is trans and, you know, out and about, just, you know, you know, give them a smile, like give us a break from that anxiety. Don’t add to it. And don’t add to the like hardships that, you know, other people are already enduring. I mean, it’s so true what that whole saying is about like you never know what someone else’s struggle is. Like just, you don’t, you also don’t have to add to it either.
AMD: Actually you bring up a really good point. Can you tell, can you educate people on like, Like, for me, personally, and I’m also learning, so, when I see someone whoI believe is trans, just, like, you know, based on visual, um, I’m like in so much awe, like, I just think trans people are some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen, like, visually, and also like there’s something about their aura, that I just, you know, it’s like I can feel it, I can’t explain it. And I remember, um, I know in India, trans people used to be, worshipped. There was like a god or a goddess or, I don’t know, what exactly it would be called that was like looked at as someone who had both strengths and therefore they were more worshipped and on a pedestal and that like I feel similarly, but I also don’t want to be like, ah, you know, because I feel like in doing that I’m fetishizing them. So what can you speak on about like behavior of like how someone’s introduced to or sees a trans person how to be or not be?
Daph: Yeah. I mean, I guess if you’re ever unsure when it comes to like a face to face meeting, just be like, what are your pronouns? Or even refer to the person by their name the whole time, you know, cause that’s super affirming too. And also like the biggest thing too is, If you ever get corrected on someone’s pronouns, just don’t say I’m sorry, just say thank you. Like, because whenever someone says I’m sorry, it’s then, it’s like immediately put back on like the the trans person that you’re talking to that, to be like, Oh God, now I have to make them like feel better, you know. You know, with that situation, just say thank you and then move forward with that, you know.
AMD: Okay. Thank you for that. Wonderful.
AMD: Want to be fabulous just like these strippers? Pay attention. It’s Stripper Tips. Okay, Daphne. What’s your stripper tip for our audience?
Daph: So my stripper tip for the audience is find any moment throughout your day to find your version of sexy. Because just like, you know, how a stripper has to do it within a song, you should find that for yourself and celebrate that within yourself and not for other people. Just like a stripper on stage.
AMD: Yeah, yeah, totally. I, those are some of my favorite sets where I’m like ignoring everyone in the room and I’m like, I’m just going to do me up here.
Daph: I’m going to vibe out to the song. I’m feeling it, you know?
AMD: Yeah. 100%. I love that. That’s beautiful.